Chatter and aching Building and breaking Too deep to find, detect or settle Shouting and hushing Constructing and crushing At nighttime, morning, in the middle Rumbling underneath a smile Pulsing with my liar’s bile Hungry and yearning Rebellious, returning Hands and heart, mind, body, soul Itching, twitching, self-abuse Unwilling to resist my muse Consequence demands its toll Long-lost hours of fragile peace Confined, constrained, a famished beast Wanting, lacking, needing A murderer and heathen Hide my eyes, don’t recognize Denying and ignoring Shame and self-deploring This wickedness should terrify Emboldening me towards certain death Enticing me to give up rest But the real problem is I like her
Can you see inside your mirror? It’s hard enough to admit the truth about your own actions, intentions, and desires. But even more, it is devastating to finally see how much you like this unrighteous person that hides under the surface.
REFLECT
on the Words that God first gave to us. Meditate on the Truth that has made any of our words mean anything…
READ Psalm 51:1-4,15-17
READ Romans 7:15-25
A great confession that gets to the difficult heart of repentance. I think this is what Augustin called concupiscence. Not just the things we do but our desire or drive to do them.
It is easy to long for or yearn for the things my unrighteous self wants to do, or more to the point, not do.
In particular, it seems on the surface that staying home and napping would feel great compared to getting up, getting myself and small people ready, and going just about anywhere.
But when I miss out on starting our week at the Lord's house or don't go slinging around heavy weights, that is much more difficult in the long run. The momentary rest and stolen leisure make my entire nephesh sluggish and weary.